Venting.

My current state of mind: Optimism--"an inclination to put the most favorable construction upon actions and events or to anticipate the best possible outcome". It is the philosophical opposite of pessimism.

It is quite difficult to admit the mistakes that I have most recently made because I knew what was going to happen before it even happened. Sometimes I give people the benefit of the doubt becaue I always see the best in people, one of the main reasons I always end up hurt at the end of a relationship. After putting myself through a year and a half of a complete lie, I somehow continue to find myself gravitating towards the same scenario: a male who has a mouthpiece but no actions to back it up. I honestly shouldn't be as upset as I am right now but I can't help but be frustrated with the fact that I let myself do this over and over again.

I try to see everything as a lesson in life, something that God has planned for us in order to learn and better ourselves or the next chapters of our life...but I seem to repeat some situations more than once...even though I have already learned the lesson before. I guess after all of this it is safe to say that you can't give someone an ounce of trust until they earn it.

But I am optimistic. And I can't let everything get the best of me. I just can't wait for it to be over and done with. Whatever God continues to bring these situations in my life for, I can't wait until they are over. It's almost as if they are tests and I keep falling for them.

2011 is a new me. Time to brush off the old and ring in the new...bigger & better.

<3 t


**photo is just something to add a little spunk--a new attitude

boom.

Blast from the past! Wilson F.L.A.M.E. OH how I miss high school...sometimes. Lol. But mostly just this aspect. Being a part of a group of individuals that loved each other no matter how aggitated we got with one another. <3>

Day Two

This year has gone by far too fast. I can remember almost exactly what I was doing on this very day last year and I can say that with knowing what was going on then and how far I have come now, I am truly blessed. This past year has been far too good to me in the sense that it has taught me many lessons in a shorter period of time than they have ever taken before. Whether it be the lessons I have learned on relationships, friendships or just with my own personal choices, I am glad that I got them over with so that I can live the rest of my life knowing exactly what I want and who I want to be.

My biggest accomplishment this year would have to be that of which I found my relationship with God. Being baptized on September 11, 2010 was the biggest step towards finding myself. I found guidance and home in a church that has truly given me a reason to live and push forward each day that I have on this earth. New Beginnings is where I want to spend the rest of my life, working for God through the many ministires that are avilable and educating as many individuals on the spirit of the Lord that I am able and willing to speak to. I am so thankful for the true friends that I have realized are in my life and that I can call them my family, without them I would not be where I am today. I have been blessed with some of the most amazing women to help me get through all of my struggles. I thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for every breath that I am able to take and every step that I make towards my destiny in life.

As I sit and ponder about the adventures that I endured this past year, I can only imagine what I will go through in the upcoming year of 2011. I'm almost to my graduation, which I can hardly believe, but starting my life outside of education is something that I have longed for and hopefully means the start to a new relationship that I can have with myself and the people in my life. There is no telling what God has in store for me but I know that whatever it is, it is going to be great. God is good, all of the time and he knows my needs therefore I am going for my wants and dreams.

Only a few more days left in this year. Once that midnight mark hits on Jan 1, 2011, I am changing many aspects of my life. I know that I am young and we only live once so I take every opportunity that I am given but I need to clean up my act and focus on whats ahead of me.

--T

Coming to an end..

As the days dwindle down to few in the year of 2010... I can truly say that it has been a rollercoaster. With the new year approaching, I have decided to begin my blogging adventure on a daily basis-- bible verse, song & picture of the day--will begin as soon as tomorrow. In that time, I will reflect on everything that has happened and my dreams for the future, just as soon as I get some rest.

-t

months gone by

My last blog was months ago and i feel like so much has gone on since then. At that point in my life i wasn't quite sure what was going on or where I was going to be. I was going through a lot of emotions and personal growth that has allowed me to find my place in this world, for the most part that is. I went through some of the hardest months yet, school wise, and feel that with that I can accomplish anything at this point. But where do I start...

I got accepted into the Teaching Education program at WWU and am an official PEHR Major.
Waterpolo season is going great and it looks like we will be placing nicely for championships although I won't be able to attend our last tournament and here is why...

I got accepted into the cast of The Naked Truth on Stereotypes. A huge performance at WWU that bashes all the stereotypes that many individuals have experienced in their lifetime and want to put out there that are hurtful. This is a huge step for me because for so long I have held back so many feelings. Nobody wants to be judged, and through this experience I will be able to share my voice about how I truly feel and what I have experienced. I am really nervous because of how emotional I am, I know this is going to be an experience that I will never be able to forget and something that is going to allow me to grow for the better.

One last thing that I need to talk about, i met a boy and I couldn't be happier right now. He is amazing and has really changed my outlook on everything from before. I was anxious at first and didn't really know what to expect. But I let it happen. We've had some major obstacles that we have overcome, but it proves that we can get through anything. I am really praying that his feelings are honest and true but at this point I have no real reason to think otherwise. He has been open and honest and he cares. Even if he doesn't think he is able to show it, he does. I hope all of this is going to turn out the way I would hope for it to.

More to come....

---pebbss