Monday, August 3, 2009

i may never know...

I just got done with my first summer quarter...and I can't complain about how it went. I really think that it kept me in line but I definitely was in need of a break. For the last month and a half all that I have been doing is working out, going to school and working. I have hardly had time to hang out with friends or do anything for myself. So last wednesday I took my health final, ran home to pack up the car and hit the road home! I was so excited to come home because I was going to see people that I hadn't seen in a very long time and it was going to feel so good to just be stress free and be having fun with the people I love most.

Well, this break has really got me thinking... Is what I am doing with my life right now, really what I want to do!? Do I really want to be a teacher!? Do I really want to spend the rest of my life making lesson plans and having the biggest impact on the lives of our future leaders...? I am so confused. You know, I never really had the opportunity to think about what I want to do. Of course I have had summer vacations and breaks here and there. BUt I have never really just taken time to myself and done something relaxing to allow myself to think about my future. I just jumped right into college, right into the teaching mentality and dont really know if this is what I want to be doing anymore.... but how do I decide? Who do I go for to get some encouragement and advice?

I bought a camera. A really nice camera. I listen to music all day every day and I love the atmosphere that comes about with both of these hobbies. I have always wanted to do something with my photography but what? Should I change schools and go somewhere that I can become a photographer and do something that I love to do for the rest of my life...or do I continue to pursue a career as a teacher and have make a difference in the lives of so many individuals. I mean, I can always go back to school to do either thing, but do I really want to start teaching NOW? I don't even know what to do with myself. I second guess my actions every day because I am so confused.

Who do I go to to get the right advice, who can i turn to for some bit of encouragement that will really lead me down the right path, to the life that I can live where I will be happy for eternity and meet people who will give me strength and happiness in the adventures that I endure. I want to spend the rest of my life outdoors, traveling and seeing things that nobody else will see. Can I do this as a teacher? I don't know. I don't know. I may never know.

Please help me.

<3

1 comment:

  1. First of all... never stop doing art because art is what keeps the soul alive. no matter is photography is your job or not... you will be doing it and changing the world with it. You don't necessarily need to go to college for photography is order to do it (even for a job).

    Dont get stuck with thinking that you should be something because you have made plans around it. I think i have had like 10 different 5 year plans in the last couple months... you have to feel free to change that and think about who it is you truly want to be. AND WHY.

    Its all about happiness. About recognizing what gifts you have... the things you are naturally good at.. the things that make you happy to do. Your gifts. And then saying, "how can i use this gift to help others.. to be a service". I think that will lead you to a job that fits. If it is teaching! then do it... if it is plumbing... then do that! Be honest with yourself and follow that beautiful beautiful heart of yours.


    You got this... keep your heart open and then the rest will come. I love you

    ReplyDelete