soul searchin...or just job searchin

Woman oh woman... you know how everyone always says "Man oh man" how come they gotta be sexist? I mean obviously many people say it with no intentions in being sexist, it's just the fact that usually everyone refers to a male term when speakin in general, like Man Up, You guys, etc. It drives me nuts!

First off I have to say that TRANSFORMERS IS THE BEST MOVIE OF 2009! I couldn't have been any more pleased with the way that movie was made and everything about it made so exstatic! (beside the kid behind me constantly kickin my chair, even after i asked him to stop) Shia was amazing, Megan was hot and Optimus is my hero! It was well worth sleeping in past my class haha...

My day consisted of job searchin! It really gives me a headache trying to find a job. I think for the fact that I have always gotten my jobs through family connections tha I have rarely had to do this type of thing. I went to like 8 places today that all said that I should come back tomorrow or call in a couple days. What am i gonna do!? I have so much free time on my hands and it drives me insane being stuckk in the darn house, so far from anything! I think I may start doin some guitar lessons on YouTube or something. just to give me some type of educational entertainment. i NEED a job! tomorrow i will be searchin again.

The only exciting thing about today was aceing my first environmental science quiz. I spent like 3 hours preparing for it, watching the powerpoints and doing the reading, and I deserved that A. Plus it was pretty easy! This class is going to be a cake walk! haha

So, getting back to that question I posed yesterday about letting go..I had a conversation with a friend of mine today, who is much older, wiser and more experienced in relationships. She told me that when the time comes for things to be over I will know it. And for the things that are taking places at this very moment, although I might not have the right words to say or know the right approach to the situations right now, it will come when the time is right. And, ironically enouugh, I just read my horoscope and it totally fits in again with this situation. Are they trying to tell me something!?!

You may already be feeling the resistance building in someone close to you and you probably don't like it one bit. Unfortunately, pretending that it doesn't exist will only make matters worse today. You are better off acknowledging a potential problem before it fully develops. If your plans are not adequate, it's easier to reconsider them now, rather than after the fact.

Gosh! Well I don't really have anything else to say. Nothing philosophical or enlightening. I'm pretty much still trying to find myself and a job! I guess that goes in with finding myself really. I hope one day that things become a little bit easier... I hope that I will be able to take my own relationship advice and realize what I should do in this situation because it is really driving me insane. Somebody save me!

g'night all.

a healthy start

Today was the first day of classes. Well actuallt just one class really because I am takin ESCI online and that just doesn't really count to me. I'm gonna try to get it over with sometime next week or at least as much as he has posted. Anyways... i learned some pretty interesting things in Health today that I could directly apply to my life and I think ya'll could too...

First of all I learned that there are 6 Dimensions of Wellness
1. Physical
2. Emotional
3. Intellectual
4. Spiritual
5. Interpersonal/Social
6. Environmental

A question that came up when talking about these dimensions was "What does it mean to be Spiritually healthy?"...Of course this should be totally differnt for everyone. Especially me, not being the type to go to church, like a lot of people. But honestly I was really confused by this one. Until my professor told us about something that she had read sometime last week that talked about this... it had said that to be spiritually healthy "One must strive to be the person you were meant to be"...This means we shouldn't go about our days constantly thinking about our actions and how they are going to please other people. So many people worry, constantly, about always pleasing others before themselves. I think that this is me in a nutshell. I always want to make sure that others are happy before I am and after hearing this statement I think that I am going to change this about me. Don't get me wrong, I will still take into consideration others feelings and how what I do will impact them, but I am not going to worry about everyone else before I worry about me and my happiness and my well-being. Phew! I could probably elaborate for days on this but I would like to move on.

I also had to go to an info session about my ESCI 101 class that is going to be an online course. The professor was just going over the syllabus and made a comment that I found to be particularly interesting... he made a comment about how we should be used to blackboard like we are any other blogging or website where you use chat rooms, etc. And how Craigslist has this new fad that is "the lowest common denominator of society"... I was really taken aback by this comment.

Man, something I just had to talk about a bit is my horoscope for the day. It couldn't be more perfect for what i am going through..here it is

---You really don't want to be bothered by the complexity of relationships now, but neither do you want to be alone. Ultimately, you are willing to have a necessary discussion with a close friend or loved one, but you still might do your best to keep the conversation on the lighter side of life. Although plunging into the unknown and being emotionally vulnerable may not be your preference, it could bring wisdom, along with a deeper sense of intimacy.

After I read this earlier I really got to thinking about everything. Like why I am so afraid to let go of something that has been on edge for so long. I feel like I am holding on so I am not lonely like I was for 18 years of my life and that emtional connection just seems to feel so right but at the same time so wrong. What should I do!? I wish there was some relationship goddess that could just fix everything that is wrong. The ultimate question that I have is:

How is it possible to be so in love with someone, never fight and to be so happy when you are with that person BUT at the same time things just don't feel right when you are apart and you know that there is something that is going unsaid!?

well... i thought i should blog my day before i went to transformers at midnight. bleh! hopefully things are on the road to getting better. g'night all.

Day One

Wow. I never thought that I would actually muster up the courage to start blogging. It's hard to allow myself to give everyone the rights to read what is going on in my life but a good friend of mine once told me that "when you write out your feelings and what's going on in your life, you'll feel a lot better, trust me!" and I figure that because I don't really like to write in journals, and since typing is just that much more convenient I will start blogging everything. I feel like this is a way for me to get out my feelings and I never have to worry about the confrontational aspect of telling someone my problems or expressing my true happiness, if I type it out one here, someone, somewhere will read and appreciate and think about me, even if I am unaware of it. :)

Today was a pretty low-key day. I mean besides the ciaos of driving back up to Bellingham for class tomorrow morning, I enjoyed myself. I woke up early this morning to pack and prepare for my trip back up north. Got my oil changed and hit the road! Of course, I had to pit stop in Seattle to spend a few hours with someone I love very much, someone who always knows how to put a smile on my face. :)

Well we just spent a few hours hanging out and eating at Beth's Cafe in Freemont, home of the 12 Egg Omelet. No, I did not attempt to eat this enormous omelet, but I did order the 6 eggers and let me tell you, I probably ate 1 egg! haha it was huge. Well the reason that I am writing about this is because I saw this cafe on the travel channel, and I dont know about anyone else but whenever I watch one of those shows it always seems as if the place is somewhere I will never be able to visit and since this was so conveniently located in Seattle I just had to try it!

It's always hard for me to leave Seattle, because I never know when I am going to get another chance to visit again. We both have very busy and random schedules that it's really hard to schedule a visit but hopefully things will get better soon because I'm beginning to go a little crazy all alone up here!

I found out some news that, surprisingly, didn't upset me but I just have a lot racing through my head. Now I believe there are some things that can be shared on the internet and some things in life that should just be kept private, so all I'm saying is that something happened, it's not the end of the world, but it's definitely life altering! Whew!

Well, with it being 11:42 pm I might want to think about signin out for the day. Eight AM class is a bammer but I have managed the last 2 quarters, maybe I will luck out in the fall with some better class times. Tomorrow it's off to find a JOB! Wish me luck!

G'night!